Nobby's poetic response to Scotland's recent wet weather

IF (THE NOBBY VERSION)

If I were a frog,

And not a soggy dog,

I wouldn't mind the rain.

If I were a lobster

And not Sir Nobby Nobster

I'd really not complain.

If I were a walrus

And not remotely porous,

I'd frolic in the ocean.

And if I were a sealion

And not a whip-smart canine

I'd always choose a soaking. 

If I were a puffin,

For whom a flood means nothin',

I'd not be agitated

But I am a fox terrier,

And frankly I am merrier,

When my land's not inundated.